“COURAGE TO SAY NO”

by CB Bowman, Microcourage™ Consultant, MCEC, BCC, CVF, CVP, MBA, CMC

There is always something to be grateful for, there is always something to be courageous about. As we say thank you this holiday season let’s remember the courage it takes to say “No”

Words are powerful. They can be encouraging but also demeaning. Something like the word “no” is a double edge sword of rejection and progress that the leaders of today hold in their hands.

The sound of “no” is soul-crushing and seems disrespectful. “No” barely has the kind of impact that can lead to enthusiastic and inspiring conversations. With one no response, you can crush the spirit of others.

But trust me when I say this, true leadership demands the courage to say out loud the things people do not want to hear. You might want to sound friendly and say yes to many things. But that only leads to poor management. The workforce might perform with quasi efficiently when you say “Yes” but mean “no”, eventually miss alignment and failure will result.

The goal is to study and practice how to say “no’ so that it is presented as a win-win. This is what I coin the “supportive-no™” or the “inspirational-no™” and it requires practice and attention to the concerns of those you are responding to.

Why Say No?

Leadership can be challenging. Real-world leaders find ways that ease their stress a bit. Saying “no” to things that aren’t allowed, cannot be done, or shouldn’t be done, is the kind of leadership leaders aspire to be. Reasons to say no might include:

• Helping the workforce and management establish smart goals and focus on core responsibilities
• Inspiring engaged and thriving workforce
• Delegating tasks, by showing your trust, to offer employees learning opportunities
• Encourageing dialogue and let non-performing ideas die
• Setting healthy boundaries with your clients, so nothing eventually harms your business
• Separating your personal objectives and avoid stress and burnout

Being a Leader Is Harder Than It Looks

The idea of leadership may be simple, but being an inspiring leader isn’t easy. Simple stuff isn’t easy stuff, and leadership is a complex endeavor. While the idea of using the “supportive-no™” or the “inspirational-no™” appears to be a simple concept it is, in fact, incredibly difficult, especially at times when quick and critical decisions must be made.

Contrary to popular opinion, the skill doesn’t come to all naturally. Establishing authority, handling conflicts, staying genuine, avoiding favoritism, and building a consensus are some of the hardest things a leader does as part of having the ability to say no and at the same time garner support.

Connecting with people on a human level requires time. A mistake often made by leaders is the lack of relationship building over the course of time, so that when these relationships are needed, they already exist.

Saying No

Saying no isn’t fun. You can upset many people and earn a negative reputation among your team members, especially without the foundational work of having built strong and respectful relationships. But who said leadership comes easy? It is tough, and there are often feelings of loneliness. But don’t be discouraged learning to say “no” is not part of the loneliest journey!

Your leadership journey demands courage to stand by your beliefs and challenge the status quo, even if it makes you unpopular… the goal is to maintain the respect others have for you and not win a popularity contest.

Learning to say no – respectfully and gently – is a leadership must.

How to Say No?

It might sound counter-intuitive, but being a good leader is about how fearless you are and what you stand for. So, learn to say no in a way that builds relationships and respect. Easier said than done? Here’s some advice to help you:

• Be a good listener. Do not rush to say no, making others feel less valuable.
• Learn to respond, not react.
• Stay authentic and empathetic, but keep emotionally-driven decision-making aside.
• Identify your values and what is meaningful to you for long-term, holistic gains.
• Be curious and reasonable; not judgmental and resentful in setting realistic expectations.
• Ask questions to be able to put up an indisputable and fair explanation supporting your disagreement.
• Support your no with encouraging words to boost employee morale.
• If you believe an idea can cost you your time and resources, stay firm and don’t keep dragging it out.
• Come up with better alternatives to justify the no and achieve desired results.
• Set empowering rituals to transform existing behaviors and skills.

Reinvent Your Leadership

Growing into a courageous leader and being comfortable with using the word “no” is a time-consuming process. But, by focusing on the commitment of respect and success you can establish the skills to lead with conviction and bravery.

The idea isn’t to permanently shut all doors, to ensure this make sure you’ve done sufficient research and investment in balancing out every “no” with positive results that are to come so that you can make that needed shift confidently and humbly.

At WWDC ‘77 (Worldwide Developers Conference), Steve Jobs said, “when you say no, you piss off people.” At that time, Jobs was preparing to take Apple from a failing position to one of the world’s top-most companies. If he were to say yes to every idea that came to the table, Apple wouldn’t be the premium brand it became.

Remember, business and personal success isn’t only about driving focus on what’s good and makes sense. It means cutting out a hundred other ideas and opinions that are just as good but not the best. Modern-day leadership is about courageously saying NO to a thousand things to develop the hand full of things that lead to immense success.